The other day, while waiting for Lucy to finish one of her activities, I overheard a mom talking to her two little ones—probably around two and four years old. They were getting ready to go to the library (which I think is wonderful), but something about the exchange caught my attention.
The mom kept asking questions like:
“Are you going to behave?”
“Are you going to be good this time?”
“Are you going to keep your voice down?”
Now, let me be clear—I love that she was taking her kids to the library. That’s a beautiful habit to build early. But as far as discipline and leadership go, this was one of those moments that made me realize how easy it is for parents to miss the mark without even realizing it.
You should never ask your child if they’re going to behave. You should expect that they will.
Behavior, respect, and self-control are not choices to be decided in the moment—they’re expectations that should already be established. When we phrase these things as questions, we unintentionally hand the authority over to the child. And what happens if they decide “no”? Now we’ve opened a debate that didn’t need to exist in the first place.
Instead, the conversation could sound something like this:
“Before we go to the library, what are our expectations for how we behave in public?”
Let the children respond with what they already know:
—Be respectful
—Use good manners (say “please,” “thank you,” “sir,” and “ma’am”)
—Make eye contact
—Use indoor voices
—No running or roughhousing
—Be of Good Cheer (Our new favorite from the book, The Clockmaker’s Son by Jenny Phillips, we just read)
When expectations are consistent and clear, children learn them as second nature. They don’t need to be reminded in the form of a question; they live them because they’ve been guided well and know what’s expected wherever they go.
So, as we guide our little ones, let’s remember:
—Don’t ask for good behavior—expect it.
—Don’t negotiate respect—teach it.
—Don’t guess at boundaries—set them.
Keeping expectations simple yet consistent is one of the best ways to raise light in your home. ☀️
Raising Light 